What should I do if my children don’t want
to visit my spouse?
Young children may not want to visit because they have anxiety
about leaving you. In that case, you should reassure your young child
that you love him and that you will see him in just a few hours or days,
as the case may be. You generally should not withhold visitation
because your young child does not want to go. First, you will probably
be violating a court order, which will leave you open to being
sanctioned by the court. Second, if your young child discovers
now that he can manipulate the situation between you and your ex,
he will likely begin down a long road of pitting one of you against the
other, since he may feel that this is the only control he has over the
situation. Third, generally consistency and a continued positive
relationship with both parents is essential to caring for your children’s
emotional needs through the divorce process. You may want to
consult a therapist to deal with your child’s emotions regarding
visitation.

Older children often don’t like spending much time with either parent,
so sending them on an entire weekend with one parent seems
torturous. Additionally, older children may harbor some hostility against
the parent who they perceive “left” the family. In both cases, it is again
important that the custodial parent not withhold visitation. Again, it is
a violation of a court order if you do, and again it is important not to
give an older child the impression that he can manipulate you or your
ex. Suggest to your child and/or your ex that your child be expected to
go for visitation, but that he also be allowed to do his “normal”
activities during that visitation. This makes the time with your ex less
disruptive for your child, and it also keeps you ex more proactively
involved in your child’s activities. The bottom line is that your child
benefits. Adolescent therapists may be of help in the case of a
particularly resistant or defiant child.

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The information contained on this website is intended to be of a general
nature, and may not address the specific circumstances of a given divorce
case. For specific advice, please contact a local attorney or other appropriate
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